My gut feeling seriously tells me my husband cheated on me but he denies it. How do I find out for sure?

You cannot make your spouse confess if they do not choose it. You cannot control the actions of your spouse, only your own. You can create an atmosphere most conducive to an honest confession, but there is no formula to guarantee a confession 100% of the time.

No matter what difficulties we face in our relationships with others, we must realize that we cannot change the other person, but we can change ourselves.

Most likely if you have strong suspicions, and there are many clues, you are right, an affair is probably taking place. One thing I’ve heard repeatedly from affair survivors is they learn to trust their intuition, their gut instincts, that still small voice inside that is telling us what is true in our lives, even when we don’t really want to face that truth. Knowing is much better than living with uncertainty and suspicions. Many affair survivors have described it this way: “There was something not quite right, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.”

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, the best approach is a direct and honest confrontation. Don’t hint, but come right out and say, “Are you having an affair?”

If the unfaithful person is not ready to confess they may still lie out right, deny the truth, and even become angry with you for asking.

If the anger is overpowering, and they also begin to blame and criticize you, it is an added indication that your suspicions about the affair are correct. If a person is not having an affair and is asked this question, they would most likely be surprised and ask why you suspect this.

Sometimes we have to face the fact that the unfaithful person may never choose to be truthful. In a number of situations, I’ve supported people who caught their spouse red handed in bed with the affair partner and the unfaithful person still didn’t confess, but tried to convince the faithful spouse that they were merely seeing things!

Sad as it is, one can often have a good laugh at the expense of those having affairs, because the actions, lies and logic they come up with are so ridiculous.

Here are some general guidelines to follow when you suspect your spouse is cheating written by Peggy Vaughan, reprinted with permission.

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